Monday, December 26, 2005
merry merry xmas..lonely lonely xmas
i hope everyone had enjoy their xmas yesterday? haha..firstly..wanna wish everyone a very very merry xmas and a happy new year!! haha..although the actual xmas over le but doesnt mean u have to stop happying!! keke.. enjoy the remaining of ur holidays k?haiz..sad to say i cant say the same for myself..xmas for me was again spent at home..still remembered last year also like tt..whole day stayed at home..to be honest i reli dun like this wor..not that i dun like my home and my family..but cuz im always home alone and my family usually go out until nite den come back..last year made a promise to myself that this year i wun spend the xmas alone again...i wanna spend it wif frens and hopefully wif someone i treasure..but den..it looks like the promise is broken again ba..haizwas actually gonna blog yesterday de..about xmas and all that..but den got into this window den reli no mood ( wats there to blog abt being home alone on xmas day? )..so gave up blogging yesterday..haiz..very jue2 wang4 for me ar..=( sob sob..woke up yesterday and den actually decide to go out de..but den no company ma..so no choice in e end return home lo..as usual e house was empty..so last resort maple lo..i tot maple can be addictive enuf to drown my unhappiness..but den to my surprise..this is my 1st time in 17 years to play any game so reluctantly..i mean..being a guy gaming shud be most fun..but yesterday was reli bad for me ba..even if my physically being is playing maple..my mind is still thinking about stuffs..haiz..i guess when a person is alone he will hu2 si1 luan4 xiang3 ar..=( but no choice la..so my xmas was spent in maple land this year..reli nothing to comment le..heard from frens that it was reli fun outside though..the count down and all that..didi told me that orchard was reli bad (expected la) but he went for the explanade one..he say not as bad as orchard but quote from him "u look in any direction can easily count 50 pple..any direction" haha..hey didi i hope ching is alrite? heard from shu that she was actually gonna go orchard there..o no if she had gone i think she wud reli be gone by now..lol! han and seng was there too! haha same thing from them la..reli soooooo crowded lo..until u can hardly move..and squeeze until for pple fall de leh..haha..so chaotic... o yar inn was there too but wif different group la..haha..how was it inn? o yar and i believe she had a good shopping spree in hong kong rite? keke..anyway i guess i was lonely ba so needed company..that's y go around asking pple how was their experience outside..needless to say i envy them wor..i hope i wasnt a nuisance to everyone out there? sorry sorry 4 my disturbance...heard from maine also that spraying was reli power in orchard..they anyhow spray one lo..haha...so fun la! and dunno 4gt who tell me that all the bengs purposely spray all the gals..so bad hor? nese went to her fren's house and play..quite fun also o! at least no need squeeze wif all the pple..actually spending xmas wif frens also quite cosy ma..not bad..i like it=)well..all these made me wonder if asking to love and be loved back is too much..maybe it is too much for me ba..haiz..all i wan is someone..that's all..i dun care if i flunk every subject or be left penniless..but well..suan le ba..i hope..and i reli hope..next year's xmas..haiz..can be spent wif pple..santa o santa..if u can hear me..i hope i wun have to be home alone again on 25th dec 06..for fame and riches i do not need..but care and concern from pple indeed...enuf abt xmas le ba..following xmas is new year..and den a whole new year will step in le..haiz..once again it is the time of the year where i reflect on the things that happened throughout the year.. hate to admit it but reli..time pass us by sooo fast...it seems like yesterday that i graduated from riverside..and was choosing PAE and JAE and discussing wif frens.. comparing who go which JC or poly.. it seems like yesterday that i went for prom nite and had the best nite in my entire 16 years of life..and went to alloy's house to stay overnight..it seems like yesterday that we were all rejoycing over the finish of O levels..and was letting our hair down like it was e end of the world..those were so much fun..haha everyone was talking abt burning textbooks and all that..it seems like yesterday that we all cried about our separation..cuz each one of us went into different schools..haiz..miss my frens and all that..but we all noe the chinese proverb that says there is no party that never ends..=( and it seems like yesterday when i finally got in pioneer for 1st 3 months and was so crazy in orientation 1 and ponning classes and all that..freedom!! haha..but today came so fast and in a twinkle of an eye a year had passed..so many things had change..some good and others bad..i had spent a year in pioneer junior college.hmmm..this year is so different..experiencing the college lifestyle which is so different from sec sch in some ways but same in others..academic wise it was not so different cause we still have homework and we still had regular lessons unlike those pple in poly who can start sch as late as 10 o'clock and end as early as 2? haha..it was still regular hours in college..8 to 5.. but college is different from sec sch in the social aspect..pple r more different and they come from all over..as in a lot of different sec schs together so u see pple of all sorts of character..some may like this kinda and some may not be comfortable..haha..and so many things had changed lo..my frens..those in innova..those in nan yang..those in anderson..those in poly..they changed so much throughout the year..so different already..mixed feelings in my heart..cannot say that this is bad la..but juz no longer like b4..i hope we can still stay in touch? i reli cannot imagine the day when we lose all contact and im left at the corner of loneliness in the world..omg.. im thinking too much again le..i reli miss u my frens! >.<>
of cuz there r good things that happened this year..i feel that i have changed also..but i noe a lot of nice pple in PJ..vion..=) omg i wud regret so much if i hadnt known her..haha..S12 pple 1st 3 months and S18 peeps...haha u all quite fun ar..happie happie!! and lynn..mei mei..ping..ying..haha o and jess..how can i 4gt abt u? haha thanks for everything throughout the year o! haha..i wud like to make new frens but at the same time keep in close touch wif the good old ones..
i noe few pple wud read until this part..cause i understand that this entry getting very long..cause this may be my last entry for the year le..will be busy from tomorrow onwards attending OGL camp and going out this week..so i think the next time i blog will jolly well be 2006 le..wanna make a conclusion to myself for 05..haha..
o yar and one more thing...my blog turned 1 year old le..haiz..last year during this time started this blog to set away a little space of my life to put away my unhappiness beneath the happy mask that i wear..and cuz of her...keke..so fast also a year le o! i hope ur happy ba..it's ok..it's reli ok..as long as ur happy..
sigh~~ every year this period always feel so down..not good for health o! haha..
and so..to end it all off..have some wishes for the next year..
i hope i can do ok academically..no need straight As..juz good enuf to get by ya noe? im not very concern wif results..can go U den can le..A levels coming le o! i hope i will not get too stressed..haha..
hope i can maintain in contact wif my old frens and even recent ones! pei pei and godmother! le le also o! and drey!..didi!! haha..needless to say han and seng..inn also!! haha..tracey and mei and fang fang! =D..and how can i forget BBSS? mummy!! my 2 daughters and all those in innova o! haha..vion!! thanks vion..im reli touched.. jess!! haha..lynn mei mei and ping! last but not least SBL gang! wah too many to name le..i hope u all dun mind hor i dun list them all out..later list will get v long...haha >.<
ok..guess im ending off le ba..i noe im quite long-winded ar..but juz to sort out my thoughts for me..haha..juz wanna say something to nese here..ur the oni close kin i have in pioneer lol..i hope that u will 4gif me if im too nosey at times? im sorry i juz needed someone there..but i wud like u to voice anything that ur not happy wif lo..im not very observant yar so i hope u can tell me pls..thanks nese..for everything u have given me..reli appreciate them! vion..hope we can keep in close touch ar..>.<>
everyone..hope u all have a happy and smooth sailing year ahead..dunno when will be the next time i come..maybe after orientation? haha..=) cya!!
ShAtTeReD mY bRoKeN hEaRt AgAiN oN » 10:43 AM
Thursday, December 22, 2005
happiness..happiness??
so many things have happened recently..some r good..others bad..i dunno if im juz being emotional..but i feel very strongly for the things that happened to the pple around me..because they mean a lot to me..haiz..dunno y wor..juz feel very sad when i see them sad..and some more i cudnt do much to make them feel better..feel so helpless..y cant i cheer them up? =( i wanna make them happy wor..i reli wan de..
pple like wei wei..pple like fang fang..pple like mei mei..i understand they all have their own problems..but den i wanna make them feel better..at least share their burden? hmm..i hope i can do it..i will try my best =)..at least i noe i will not stop trying..after all..i believe the reason im in this world is to make the pple around me feel better!! ;) but it juz saddens me a bit when i cant do much lo...
hmm..staring at the sea brings back the feeling of helplessness...i came to wonder myself..am i happy? i search my heart for the answer...i cud not find a firm yes..i dunno..maybe all these while i focus too much on the pple around me and neglected myself? i sat down and thought deeply at the things that happened all these while..to reflect..something i din do for a reli long time..
haiz...the problems r still the same...and i dun think mine problems can ever be solved..hmm..it's ok la..i guess i learn to take things easy..most of the time..but it juz gets too much to handle sometimes i guess..haiz..
wanted so much to tell someone..but stopped in the end..
dunno wat im saying also le..very luan now..haiz..guess i'll end here..
ShAtTeReD mY bRoKeN hEaRt AgAiN oN » 12:19 PM
chalet..again!
woah..im here again le..=Pwent to chalet again from 20th to 21th..it was cool..this time sorta cosy feeling ya noe? different from class chalet and all that..cuz this time the group was smaller..in fact oni about 7 of us..but the fun wasnt less=) i like e feeling of juz sitting down together and juz chatting and crapping thru the nite =P who says chalet need a whole lot of pple?
there was mummy..both my daughters kim and nese..and of cus her nu3 xu4..fa ge and hao ge..and nisha!! whee~~ chatted and ate a lot..mummy la all her fault..bet wif me wif the water cooker thingy and stuff me wif another plate of noodles.. haha..we decided to cook all the food 1st before bringing them into the room and eat together..and so we did! haha..although i think that the air con was to strong and soon after the food was brought in they turned cold..=X! but of cuz we ate la..it was quite delicious though..juz that it is cold but it is nice..in the end there were some leftovers..hey and i took home a whole tub of noodles from mummy! whee..cud eat regular food for 3 days or so ba? along wif some tibits and snacks too!
one of the main highlight of the chalet was..constantine?! haha..cause nisha brought her Xbox along ma..it was the first time i came into contact wif the game..found it quite entertaining when everyone was watching fa ge play..he quite skill lo..i think he also 1st time play but he noe where to get the good weapons and life and stuff..haha..when it was my turn to play...err..i better not say le ba.. always wanted more water (health) to drink..=( not a very good gamer obviously..
haha..all of us stayed up thru the nite ba in my memory..of cuz i cud see that kim and very tired already and fell asleep? o..and btw..alvin came later on...dunno wat happened to him though but he came all the way from serangoon to see daughter..although that was very sweet but he din wanna come into the chalet? hmm..perhaps he shy ba? =D..it was raining and he was sick wor..not v good for his health...ok so he did come in in the end and slept..good..towards the morning 7+ sth everyone was damn tired so we all decided to sleep..like for an hour or so..
oni left mummy hao ge and me who din reli sleep ba? i think we all went out to the beach and walk walk..well they walked but i din reli walk..juz stood and stare at the sea for a while..thinking abt stuff..and fell asleep slowly..think i was too tired too? haiz..oni closed my eyes for a while before mummy and hao ge came along and pat me on the shoulder...haha..and i still think im in a dream! keke..den we 3 walked for a while and crapped..before heading back to the chalet..actually it was even colder outside at the beach compared to the chalet lo..cause the sea breeze was v strong..v windy..
one thing that i agreed wif mummy is the lack of card game playing in the chalet..so once we went back we started on taidee! haha..after that woke the rest up and check out le..cause they all have flag day later on in the day..must report=X and so we headed back to woodlands and reach around 12+ den split le..
basically a lot of fun stuff happened at the chalet la..how to list them all? haha..lots of poking..suaning=(..and everyone was very high for some reason..high as in the drunk kinda high..i even tot mummy drank alcohol? or did she reli? haha..cause hao ge brought 2 bottles of 8% sth sth alcoholic drink..haha they all drink drink la..den blur blur le..
haiz..but i was quite disappointed and worried abt fang who could not come to the chalet due to some other stuff..dunno y leh..she last min say cud not come..cud it be due to come emergency? of cuz it wud be more fun if she came..but wat is reli important is that i hope watever she is held up by..the thing is solve already? dun wan it to cause her too much trouble o! hope she cud come next time or sth..there will sure gonna be a next time!! =D fang fang must be ok ar! promise me!~~
haha..basically that's about it...o yar..den yesterday met mummy and fa ge again when they juz started their flag day..im honored to be their 1st donor!!! yay!
hmm..definitly must organise another one of this next yr k? i admit i was reli tired and worn out until i fell asleep waiting at the bus stop on my way home malaysia yesterday..but i was reli contented..like i cud die wif no regrets tt kinda feeling..haha..and o yar..nese..sorry k? maybe i asked too many questions le..i will take note in the future..i din noe u were feeling unwell until we came to CWP..anyway..i hope u 4gif me yar? sorry sorry i reli din realise i was annoying u.. hope u dun bu shuang me too much k? apologies..and of cuz wish daughter nese a quick recovery!! >.<
well..that is about the last chalet in this holiday le..=X! sch coming back soon...sigh..do ur homework everyone!! haha..
ShAtTeReD mY bRoKeN hEaRt AgAiN oN » 11:31 AM
Thursday, December 15, 2005
happiness...
happiness...wat is happiness ne? wat does it mean to be truly happy? =X
today finally got some real quality time to surf the net..and took quite a while looking at some pple's blog...of cuz they're all nicely done up..good job..had to comment that fang fang's blog particularly left a deep impression in me..haha..the cute pic wif the sea of stars..but more importantly wat she wrote in her entry...
suddenly have very strong emotions abt it lo...i think she is facing some prob tt she is keeping inside or something..but she sounded quite emotional..make me quite worried actually..u noe..it is a fact that no1 can be always happy..as e old saying goes..there r ups and downs in life..but come to think of it..take a min or 2 to consider..wud u reli wanna be always happy? it wud be quite meaningless to live a whole life juz full of happiness rite? den it wud be so dull and u wud never get to feel how it is like to be sad and to have gain support and help from frens when u have fallen down..the consolence is great isnt it? sometimes..if we think carefully..those troubled times may be times that make our life juz a bit more colourful...
of cuz..no1 wud wanna be sad always too! but i understand tt we all have our probs.. as in fang fang's case..i noe i shud respect her and not probe..i can oni truly say that im worried..i mean..we r close frens..and it reli hurts me to see her so moody u noe? haiz...and so..sometimes we r sad..depressed..hopeless..helpless..we juz need to calm down a bit and let our frens into our hearts..i understand the feeling..it is like u feel that no1 else can understand how ur feeling rite now and u r alone in this world..no1 can reli help u..but den again..if u wud juz reflect a bit...actually frens can help..wo ming bai de..i also got feel as if no1 understand how im feeling also ma..but den..if u juz tell 1 or 2 close buddies how u feel and let them share ur troubles..u will feel much lighter as the load is share by more bodies..remember..juz when u think ur alone..ur not alone..i noe this sounds boring and boring over and over again..but it is true..if u wud juz share ur woes..and relac and look ahead into the light and not the shadow..everything else wud be better...
dun feel hopeless or anything k fang? everyone feels tt at some times..but e most important thing is get up quickly and be happy! i always say this..we oni live one..happy or not..juz once..so..i juz wish that fang wud be happy asap and dun be moody le..
see la fang fang..once i look at ur entries i feel moody too lo..now also..haha..no la juz jk de..i juz wan u to be alrite..if u sad i also sad de neh...=(
it is ok to be sad..it's oni natural..but remember..ur not alone..haiz..how many of u r 100% happy? but we can try not to think so much and juz try to enjoy out life to the fullest..rite? =)
and o yar..read ur entries from 1st to last today fang..i think i realise tt i approached u from the wrong angle...sorry sorry..i think if i were u i wud feel the same way..my apologies for my ignorance..i hope u can forgive me fang? i reli treasure out frenship...
k la..eveyrone dun think too much k? happiness will find us..if we wan them to find us,,
ShAtTeReD mY bRoKeN hEaRt AgAiN oN » 12:50 AM
Friday, December 09, 2005
chalet..so fun! =)
woah..im here again le..looks like recently blog quite regularly huh? keke..anyway..juz wanna talk abt the class chalet that i juz had..it was totally cool!
well..it lasted for 3 days and 2 nites but some pple come and stay the 1st nite while others come and stayed the 2nd nite..there r also some who came for the BBQ and din stay overnight at all..but that is not reli important..wat is important is that we all had fun rite? keke..it was on 5th 6th and 7th..BBQ on the 2nd nite..we even invited our CT..mr kum to come..=)..well he did..nice care bear huh? kekeZz..
well...ah han brought XBox so u all can expect the guys to be stuck at it..haha..they were at it the whole nite for the 1st nite..those few same pple..play and play..until they have headaches the second nite and sleep for a while to recharge b4 they continue again..probably due to small screen cause the TV was split into 4 (4 players) so each player keep staring at a very small area of the screen..haha..i played too! it was...err..well..i cant mastered it..juz played for fun..not reli engrossed..tot it was boring after a while..din noe how they can sustain the interest..
ok enuf about the guys..den the gals play cards lo..all sorts of games..and also we played RISK too! i never played RISK b4 in my life so this is my 1st time exposed to it..kekeZzZ..actually found it not bad..it is a bit of luck plus a bit of stragedy kinda game..u shud noe when to retreat and when to attack..but at the same time it all boils down to the dice that decide ur fate..so if ur lucky..u noe lo! world domination mode can be reli draggy..haha...e round i played was abruptly ended by an atomic bomb..haha..actually was ying la..she climbed on bed and jumped at the board..destroying all troups at asia..thus ended the domination..haha..no1 wins..cool..
we went on nite cycling the 1st nite too! it was reli fun and refreshing as i had not done this in a while already..however..i dunno y but luck is not on our side..our bikes broke here and there..chains come loose...stands break out..tire puncture cause broken glass pieces..all sorts of stuff la..in e end we got one less bike cause the tire flat already..den we take turns lo..ride until very very far..i also dunno where but got one place like fishing pond like tt inside a park..anyway..it was tiring but damn fun..
ok shall not elaborate too much on useless stuff...and the highlight! the BBQ! lots of pple turned up suddenly..got siew..valerie..kuan..kum..grace..( i hope i din left out anyone? ) haha..it was cool lo..the wings that bin cooked was delicious..how come he so skill de? haha..there were lots of talking and we sat at a table and chatted,,wif kum of cuz..and we even celebrated the bday of the pple born in dec! haha..including our very own mr kum..gave him a male carebear and a female one..*ahemx* oni S18 pple noe wat this symbolise hor!
haha..den 3rd day..checked out le den go watch movie..some oni la..others went home..eh...some watched chicken little..den maine and ying watched saw 2...wah..damn siao..so gross lo..i watched chicken little already but i too timid to watch saw 2..so i waited for them..actuallynot v long la so i dun mind..it's worth it to lunch together after that..haha..the gals seem to like chicken little cause it was very cute! but then storyline is juz for kids la..u shud noe wat i mean..anyway saw 2 i dun wanna over stress it..it was gross..full-stop. After that lunched together at the food court den we split le lo..basicallt that was it..but i noe i left out a lot of stuff...it was juz too fun to blog it out completely le la..keke..i hope we will stay as a class next yr k? qin qin dun worry..row boat!
meanwhile i was waiting for them outside the cinema called pei pei lo..chatted and ask her when she free..turned out she start working wif le le next week le..aiyo..how to ask u out like tt ne? haha..she ask me go watch saw 2..this pei pei ar..very daring de la..i nothing to say liao..haha..hey..sorry leh to the both of u..had to rush back home den in e end cant meet u all..pls 4gif me k? =P
hmm...and thanks hor mummy for lending me the holy bag..if not i think i cannot go chalet le...nothing to put my stuff in..u sure u wan me to keep it? actually hen bu hao yi si leh..=(..but reli reli a very big thanks! *hug hug*
*yawns* getting pretty late le..i think my mind cannot think anymore..haha..eh..still looking forward to seeing angela and must tell vion to take care ok? she feeling giddy ar..must zao gu zhi ji!!
wan an everyone..good niteZzZ..
ShAtTeReD mY bRoKeN hEaRt AgAiN oN » 12:34 AM
Friday, December 02, 2005
angela~?
haha..got time to blog again le...hmm..recently never come online cause was playing maple story..dunno y juz play lo..kill time also..not reli addicted la..i hope =X! i hope everyone is enjoying their holidays?
haha..great news great news! angela come back le!! all e way from NZ..heard from her juz now oni..she called..was so shocked la..cause she called my mum's hp..den my sis pick up den i say gif to mum..den she say it was for me..haha..cool! was so surprised to hear from her lo..and she speaks very uniquely now leh..not singlish de k..is formal english hor...haha..i guess she must reli have changed a lot..keke..i admit..im dying to meet her again after 2 yrs!
anyway..this reminds me..many things have reli happen these 2 yrs hor? when angela left..i was oni sec 3..moving up to sec 4 and worrying abt o levels..i remembered that was the year SARS struck..haiz..time flies..now promo also over le..moving up to A level..kinda worried..i suddenly have the thought that how long will we stay young? although 17 is still consider young..but..still time flies lo..
receiving the call from her is indeed a happy thing..but kinda bu she de that time has to pass so fast..there r regrets tt i left behind..regrets tt i shud have done..and of cuz those that i shudnt have..haiz...
no matter wat..we cannot go back to the past le..i hope im happy now ba..sorry hor suddenly so emotional..haha..juz expressing my feelings la..anyway..im sure we r gonna have fun wif the old gang again..i think next week or something gotta meet up ba..haha..some in anderson some in innova some rs also..cool!
eh...haven heard from vion these few days..hen xiang ni o! how have u been doing?
han and seng also..angela come back le..ni men ting dao le ma? =P
and jess ne? how abt u? wathave u been doing? how come seldom online de ne?
i think going to movies wif mummy and daughter later..haha..=)..so shud be departing for sg soon le..k la..i leave it until here ba..see ya everyone! and i hope all of u can live ur life wif as little regrets as possible and be happy k?!
ShAtTeReD mY bRoKeN hEaRt AgAiN oN » 2:41 PM